I am Colorblind

As a child, I never understood the saying, "tears of joy". Crying was reserved for pain or emotional confusion. Shedding tears from something that made you feel happiness was too complex to grasp.

I understand now.  Now that I cry less, the meaning and significance of tears has changed. I still cry when I am sad, but I also cry when I am overwhelmed with joy.

I cry because I feel so grateful to have endured such pain, and be in such a beautiful place now.  I cry because on Saturday mornings I can sit with a cup of tea and enjoy the warmth that only a morning sun can bring, and I am full of love, despite chaos. Surviving has turned into thriving, and I love giving my energy back to youth in the position that I once was in, because there is hope for change. I can see that myself, because I am no longer empty. 

But I cry for other reasons too.. 

like being able to truly connect with my friends in a significant caring relationship. 

or being able to travel with my body intact and a mission to learn. 

or having enough confidence to know that I have a beautiful soul and I can share it. 

And these days, I have more tears of joy than tears of sorrow. 

*I have also consciously made the decision to infuse my apartment and living space with things that promote warmth, peace of mind, and inspiration.  Because of this, when I clean this is what my sink looks like:

I actually did not notice this until I looked up from my listless thoughts about laundry, and I saw how it laid out and I felt that I had to photo document this.

And lastly, a flower that I picked just for me.