Take me there, Tuesday

Today was a whirlwind.

Wake up. Slightly hung over on Jenga, pinball, and cider. 

Grab my statute book as I run out the door--make my way to Tulalip. Get to Tulalip--have a million messages from my surpervising attorney that she went to the hospital.

The supervising attorney had all of the files for the hearings at court. So, we went, as students dry into the meeting. BUT. I wrote my first motion, real motion, in a criminal case today. I moved from federal judicial opinions to criminal motions. I don't know if this is progress or digression, but I am proud.

Then I ran to Target to get hypo-allergenic sheets and a mini-vacuum. Then off to school to finish nonprofit law reading. Then, I lead the homeless youth law panel with Claire. 

Then class. Then motion filing and legal research. Then coffee on the ave with Alex. 

Then more scholarship letter updates. Then emails. 

Now, I just wanna go home and read criminal procedure. But I wish this file was here so that I could finish this parenting plan modifciation motion...

Done and Done

"Cutting people from your life does not mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself."

Mondays Are not Fun Days

Kate Joy got a job in Santa Clara, which means that we will have our Femme House in the East Bay this summer. She is my mini-me, and it is going to be awesome.

Yesterday I was suppoed to go kayaking with Clare on Lake Washington and go to quaker church with Lindsay, but the flu is making its way through Seattle. So, I spent the day working and took a five hour nap. It was glorious.. Until I couldn't sleep that night. But, the upside to that is that I was able to meditate.

I have found that as I transition through life, the visual image I have when meditating changes.

Phase 1: I was always in a prairie field in a biege sundress on a swing at sunset. The swing was attched to the tree by a long cured rope.

Phase 2: I had long curly hair in a sundress, but sat on a boulder in the sun on the side of the river. The trees didn't stretch out to the water's edge, but the bruch was thick until that point.

Now: I am standing in the middle of a light waterfall, and I am laughing. It is in the jungle, and I feel joy.

That's my search right now: Joy.

And tonight, I will go to Add-a-ball and drink cider over Pac-man... after practicing for NALSA moot court that is.

Goodbye

Because even if you won't say goodbye to me, I will write my goodbye to you. Rehearse it in my head:

Goodbye to your smile
Goodbye to your soft ear lobes,
your lips,
your electric skin,
your long arms,
your kindess,
your thoughtfulness,
your care.

Goodbye to your sensitivity,
Goodbye to your soul,
your kisses,
your cuddles,
your worry,
your hands,
your inquiring eyes.

Goodbye, Em. Goodbye, lover. Goodbye, friend.

Get it on Saturday.

Happy Saturday!

While working on individual cases at CCYJ, I exposed an issue with the clerk's office. It is my job to identify if we can seal an individual's juvenile court records. Within the language of the statute, a person need only pay off their restitution to the victim before he/she is eligable. However, courts are imposing court fees and fines, and assessing a twelve percent interest on the total that is assessed the first of every month. THEN, the clrk will apply a payment to the total owed instead of the restitution first. AND, they are not accounting for payment co-defendants are making, so people are paying twice. AND the prosecutor's system and clerk's computer system do not update themselves simultanously, so the prosecutor uses the amount owed as evidence as against sealing even in cases when that number is out of date.

Doesn't make you a little angry? It should?

And, there is an org challenging the ability to seal juvenile records because they say the public should have access to them to protect themselves. ONLY GROSS MISDEAMENORS CAN BE SEALED, not felonies. You are safe, so safe, I swear.

Mmmm....

Instead of Target, I went to the RainbowGrads potluck event after work. A bunch of doctorate, post doc, masters, and professional LGBTQ students in a room--awkward. 

But, I met this girl Alex who is from the Evans School. Well, there were not many lesbians there, just because we don't generally get along with gay men that are too sassy, but it seems like we both have a knack on how to handle them.

Results are in

The panel reveals:

I have a severe allergy to dust mites in any form. This is why I am so fatigued and was causing and aiding my depression, because my bed and bed sheets are full of them. LITERALLY, full. So tonight, instead of going to the rainbowgrads potluck, I will be going to Target to shop for allergen friendly bedding, and new pillows. :)

And.. cats.. and dogs..

And severely allergic to grass. Yes, grass, which is why I get so many rashes.

In other news, she won. I give up. I tried so hard to be pleasant on the phone, but it wasn't enough. Do you know what kind of pain it is to have someone continuously hang up when the convo doesn't go their way and then block you?

Yeah, she doesn't care. And why should I grieve a love that never existed. We obviously can't talk. Don't want that in my life. I want people that love me. Actually love me.

So, she got what she wanted, because I am letting her know. It was nice knowing her. Well, at least I think I knew her.

Cops

Waxing poetic in Criminal Procedure about the search of homes, cars, mobile homes. If people know how much power and discretion is given to the police, they may be a little more wary of the power given to them. Perhaps they would even want the government to require a critcal thinking skills test before they enter the profession.

Why do we need to rely on a glorified filmed version of a police stop on COPS to illlustrate the vehicle assumption? Could we have used another, or given 2 minutes to acknowledge the influence that media has on the decisionmaking procedures of police.

Well, I'm an idiot

I should have maintained radio silence, but I didn't, so I got blackout drunk. I have not been that drink since freshman year of college.

I talked about my life, my friends. She told me about her amazing new relationship.

I guess, I am just not lookking for someone new, I never was, I just wanted more friend time. Now I am getting it. It doesn;t help that I ended up at some person's house I didn't know.. with swords.

But thank god, Claire brought me curry and Lindsay slept over with me last night. If you ever want me to cuddle as big spoon all night, get me blackout drunk.

Last night, I was that annoying white girl talking to her ex in a bathroom stall of a bar. Last night, I got to hear how much she loved her new gf as I cried in front of a quarter of the 1L class.  She kept saying her name like I knew her new gf. I don't want to know her name. I don't want to know about trips you go on together.

Why did you want to talk to me if you don't care? If you knew it was over in October? WHy did you stay?

And then she blocked me, I have never had a relationship end this way. It is over. She ended it last night. We can't be friends. My friends would never go about it this way. Clare was selfish, but she never crossed that line. She never just shut me down and told me about the new person she was dating when we caught up.

I guess the dorm room goodybe was our last real goodbye.

Thank god, I have great friends.

AHHHHHH!!

So I have this awesome poet friend, Meg Day...

and she is friends with this amazing human, Andrea Gibson. AND NOT ONLY IS SHE COMING TO SEATTLE BUT SHE IS HAVING A SPOKEN WORD WORKSHOP NEAR PORTLAND...


AND
AND
AND


I GOT A PERSONAL INVITATION.

I JUST DIED. I AM DEAD.

Selma

Tonight I went to see Selma with Kurt. As I watched the film, so many things hit me hard in the face. I have been so selfish for the past year and a half. I came to law school to help in the struggle––to aid in the recognition of people's rights, and I have made so much of this experience about me. I've dropped so much direct action and direct work.

I didn't participate in the actions for Ferguson or Eric Garner. I let my sadness control me. I let my anger overcome my kindness.

My need for comfort was more important than the cause.

Because most of all––this work was never about me. It's not about me. My priorities have been so messed up.

Damn, time to pick myself back up to engage in this community. So many people throughout history have put their lives, and personal desires, to the side for the cause of equality. They knew sacrifice. They knew patience. They knew kindness.

How can people deny the actions of the justice system are not a direct reflection of historical racism?

First Email of the Day:

Of course! You do realize that  - Debora *****, Michelle ****** and I will.be sitting together and wearing tiaras. Put me down for 2 tickets.

Sent from my Windows Phone

It is going to be a great Wednesday...

Wow, I feel like I got hit by a bus. Tried to get up for cycling this morning and my body would not move.

Last night I had a great convo. I have a tendancy to run...

Don't run.

Don't run.

You need to face this and then let it pass.

Blogs are great, because I do not have to be profound. My recent posts have been somewhat shallow, but hey, in order to not text my ex, I text or call my friends.

They are getting so much love these days.

AND.

AND.

So is my blogging sphere.

Because When it's over.. it'll be over

Boo! My computer will not upload the State of the Union. And I missed the Foster Care Walk because I was stuck on the bus.

I think I need to get back to the daily grind, but I am enjoying the ride of putting it off.

I can't wait till I stop cycling from intense anger towards my ex to sadness and nostalgia. It is no fun. I just know that when that stops, the feelings will be gone forever, and I won't want to associate with her ever again. I have never felt this hurt in love. When this is over, it is really over. Our last goodbye will be in a college dorm. Our last real interaction ever. I can feel I'm on the verge. I know myself well enough that I won't engage when this is over. And that makes me sad.

It won't be like Clare... because our relationship wasn't as deep as mine and Em's.

But was it deep? I can't tell if I imagined it all anymore. It feels so distant, yet painful.

MLK Jr. March

I forgot how powerful it was to participate in direct actions in the city.

The most powerful moments of the action yesterday in Oakland were:

• The ability to shut down traffic and talk to people about a cause
• Viewing and being supporting of a young women's grief about the loss of Oscar Grant and her brother. They brought candles and incense to mourn. Yes, they were burning dollar bills with sage for cleansing purposes. 
• A young black boy lead the march with his words and chants. 
• The band singing in solidarity with the crowd. "Which side are you on, friends? Which side are you on?"

There is no doubt that the situation is not about the bad apples, it is about the tree. Racism has been institutionalized and normalized. We need to fight that.. we are fighting that. 

Oakland

Whenever I come back to California, it is like something in my body sings "You are Home, let go, let live."

The people that I have here infuse so much energy into me with their stories. They listen, but they talk. They adventure with me.

Law school draws that energy from me, and I haven't entirely found out how to replace it, but this is where it starts. These people who can inspire me with radical legal thought and social justice. To see people on the street and talk to them about random life experiences and be on a level playing field.

To go to social justice actions on the corner to mourn the loss of QTPOC spaces... even if that means you need to leave your phone in the fridge for fear of government spying.

It is like letting your wings out to air when they have been so closely wound to your body for a prolonged period of time. I love the grit of everyday urban life. Strangers care about you. Starngers want to be your storyteller. I want to be their muse––their recorder.

San Jose

IJUSTBOUGHTMYTICKETTOCOSTARICA and I just wanna run and dance all over the place.

BECAUSE.

SLOTHS

AND COSTA RICA

AND BEACHES

AND MORE SLOTHS!

Do you ever have a feeling that someone you knew so well is suddenly a stranger?

Now that school has started, and I have only easten veggies for a week, I am feeling so much better. My friends and "foster" family really can rally.

And the reason why I was cold, is because I could feel you cheating before you did...