Sexual Violence

Over the years, I never really knew how to describe the personal experience of sexual violence.  Yeah, the political debate rages, and new policies have been put in place over the years.  But where does the gradient of sexual violence begin?  Why do large displays of sexual violence grab our attention, when we aren't discussing the ways that society and the ways that we interact with each other perpetuate instances of sexual violence?

How do you outline the conversation that you would have about sexual violence?

• Perhaps you could first acknowledge that humans are sexual beings: asexual, bi-sexual, gay, lesbian, straight, etc..
• Then that there are various forms of gender identities, which are not predictable based on sexual preference
• What are societal conceptions of sex? Of violence?
• What are your personal boundaries for conceptions of sex and violence?  When you consider them together?
• Do words and gestures have the ability to convey a sense of intrusion into yours/ someone else's sexual lifestyle?

Hmm, I believe that only certain acts of sexual violence should have legal ramifications, I think its important to define what your personal boundaries are so that you can communicate them to others, while being aware that this may be different for other people.

Personally, what is most harmful about sexual violence is the ability it has to depersonalize my moment-to-moment life and leave me powerless to confront the other person.  It makes me feel like an object, devoid of an outlook with which to protest what is happening.

DST

Happy Monday!

As I try to get what I can from the last remains of my computer, I am also trying to squeeze what I can from my last week in Berlin.  This weekend a few friends and I organized a Halloween party.  Some things just fall together so well.  I have always been more of a last minute kind of person, and I find it to be so amazing to how wonderful something can be if you dedicate a few solid hours into it rather than a few here and there spread out over a few days.  Needless to say, I perform well under pressure and it is an amazing motivator.

This morning was the first frost of the season and I was lucky enough to be awake during the end of daylight savings.  Being that the date is different in Germany than in the U.S., it seems that I have mixed up some times for meetings.  The entire EU shifts at the same time, but the North American continent does not, which is something that I never knew.

Phoenixing

It is time to coin a new emotional term, I would like to call it "phoenixing".  This term is different, albeit similar to the concept of resilience.

Resilience infers that one is able to survive through challenging times, and eventually become successful or to not let those situations serve as a permanent impediment. However, phoenixing is different.  It happens after a period of time when you feel stripped of what you had held most valuable, and of aspects of your life that you didn't realize had such a large impact on your stability. It comes when you feel broken.  You know you are burning and standing amidst the ashes of yourself and your life. Suddenly, you are overcome with this powerful sense of individualistic angst.  The pain turns into power and you start to become something similar, but different to what you once were.

An emotionally intense experience, but the most life-changing, that I have had the pleasure of experiencing a few times in my short life.

Things I want to tell people, that I wish people had told me:

• You don’t have to achieve great things by the time you’re 25
• You have intrinsic value above and beyond your perceived utility to other people and society at large. 
• You don’t have to have sex, or have sex in any way that you find uncomfortable or unpleasant, to keep anyone’s love or good opinion of you. They didn’t love you or think very well of you to start with if they demand it. 
• You don’t have to stay with someone who isn’t meeting your emotional or sexual needs because they need you, or you’ve been with them for awhile, or you need to be in a relationship. You need you. Your time is your own and it is finite. 
• It’s ok to work at a job you enjoy that doesn’t make you miserable even if it’s not a career and it won’t “lead to anything.” 
• Your life is not a narrative. It is not leading to anything, there is no overarching thesis, it does not have themes beyond the usual shared cultural experiences of your time and place. This is ok. It does not mean that your life is without purpose or meaning. 
• It’s ok not to like or get along with the vast majority of people you encounter, so long as you afford them the same respect, courtesy and dignity that they afford you. 
• Expensive is not always better. 
• Failure is temporary if you’re still alive. 
• People are both much better and much worse than you’d suspect, but usually not all at once. 
• Stop thinking of your future self as a different person and it will be easier to prevent money and health problems. 
• Let people help you, lean on them when you need to, and be available to help, but don’t swing too far in either direction. Try to carry your half of the life basket as evenly as you can. 
• Set boundaries, and do not be afraid to kick people out of your life who disregard them. You will not end up alone and unloved. People who love you will be ok with your boundaries. 
• Your power does not come from money or beauty, but from seeing life steadily and wholly, from a curious and thoughtful mind, and from your ability to say no when you want to, and yes when you want to, and I don’t know when you don’t know. 
• There will be bad times, maybe lots of bad times, but not only bad times. 
• Love will not heal the wounds in your soul, but love can give you the impetus to begin the work of healing yourself. 
• Life might be a long series of starting over, and that’s alright. 
• You’re really cool, you’re really beautiful, you’re really special. Really. Not to everyone, but to a lot of someones sometimes. 

Articulation

Refocus.  Wouldn't it be amazing to feel the effects of refocusing our everyday speech. As I am watching the Presidential Debate on foreign policy, it is clearly obvious that the verbiage is very focused on words along the lines of death, kill, war, and protect.  Where is peace, community, strength, and cooperation?

Just like in individual psychology, the words used in common communication regarding an issue have the ability to slightly alter the lens in which the situation is viewed, and can have an impact on those involved in the discussion and those listening.  The words we use emphasize what we find is important and noteworthy.  While it is important to be realistic and transparent about negative aspects of life in order to address them and come to terms with them, it is also important to convey a sense a hope and healing when discussing the future.

Cultivating anger, revenge, and malice will only beget this kind of interactions.

I'm not looking for an extreme policy shift, I am realistic here, but I think the U.S. could truly benefit from a language usage shift.

Wanderings

My wanderings took me to the Deutsches Historisches Museum today.  As I began traveling as an adult, I have begun to truly appreciate what museums have to offer.  When I was younger, I never knew quite what to focus my attention on and became bored rather that actively engaging my mind and attention span.  Albeit, after 3 hours my brain was tired and it was time to grab something to eat.  This museum is a place where you could spend multiple hours for a week browsing the contents.

While browsing, I was especially happy because they broadened the exhibit on the DDR until November.  Modern history and the rapid growth of society and how people attempted to adapt to those changes really interests me.

Yet, I can't seem to shake the notion of how biased our history can be.  Going to a museum is interesting and informative, but it should also be supplemented with other reading from other sources.  This is just a skill that should be utilized for productive critical thinking skills in general.

What stuck out to me the most was that the Germans refer to the Treaty of Versailles as the Treaty of Shame. German history, along with much of history, is predominately explained by their engagement in war, and the mobilization of people for the purpose of conflict.  The Treaty of Versailles, a document that limited German military force, was one of the driving forces that allowed political extremes, to the right and left, to take hold of popular opinion in the early 1900's. The Germans look at this treaty as the start of a slippery slope exaggerated by shame that eventually lead to to Hitler's rise to power.

Shame is often used to incite reform, yet over time it has proven to be a factor that only encourages more strife and violence.

What a play on words to convey such a concept.  Well done, well done.

SO..

Here it goes, the big announcement of the day:

Due to some unforeseen circumstances, and my extreme allergic reaction to the cats of the family I am living with,  I will be headed back to the states on November 6th.  Yes, election day and three days before my birthday.

Life is about adventure.  I have had a great time and will continue to have a great time for the remaining two weeks.  However, after some thinking, it will be in my best interest in preparing for law school and focusing on my health to come back to the states.

Alas, I am coming home, but will continue to keep my blog up, because I have found writing to be cathartic and useful for developing my personal thoughts.

Love,
Crys

The Internet, A Positive Haven

One of the most amazing aspects of the internet is the speed at which it enables people to connect with one another.  This also has its pitfalls, but if you use the internet in a strictly positive way it really is amazing what the results can be.  In moments, you can find a blog that reenergizes you or renews your spirit, a forum of people discusses something that interests you, an article that gives well-researched information about a topic that you always wanted to investigate, or a friend that you can find some comfort it.

Like most things, the internet can be as positive as your outlook and your utilization of it.  Utilize it for the positive, and that is what it will yield to you.  Heck, sometimes, when I am in need of some good advice, but my wisest mentors are unavailable, I google search for morale enforcements.

In fact the other day, every time I opened my laptop to use it for something, I made a pledge that I would write someone a kind message over e-mail or facebook.  This made my time intentional, and what I did afterward was filled with the genuine happiness that I felt for letting someone, whom I appreciate and care for, know that I cared for them.

Poverty? Only in India...?!?

Throughout the last two years it seems that the discussion of poverty has come up very often.  Yes, I mean often almost in the sarcastic manner that suggests it took a movement, Occupy, to re-incorporate poverty into the everyday speech of the average American.

Why?

Well, I wouldn't say that Americans are ignorant about the concept of poverty.  If you ever over hear an American speaking about India or developing countries in South America or Africa, I am sure that the term would be thrown about it.  (Please excuse my mass generalizations here, I am just trying to make a point.) However, I would venture to speculate that many Americans would ever want to consider themselves as living in relative poverty.

As someone who studied Sociology with a focus in poverty and inequality I have to hand it to the Occupy movement for introducing the idea that a citizen needs to analyze relative poverty within the country that he/she resides in.  Although, one step of the process was missing in order for this to be a productive conversation.  One needs to research the terms and concepts that he/she is throwing around in discussion in order to make valid arguments that could be the basis for realistic and meaningful change. I found, when listening to people discuss these issues, I was appalled by how much they made up based on what I knew from my studies, and how little I knew after a certain framework of thought.  The reason why this is so shocking is that if frameworks and definitions of poverty are not understood by average citizens, who is going to make the call for reform?

For those of you interested in a basic introduction into the issue of poverty in the U.S. I suggest reading this, which is an overview of poverty thresholds and guidelines for the U.S. developed by the original center for research on poverty at UW-Madison.


Sorry for the flip-flopping nature of my blog.  If anything, this gives an insight into the differences in my patterns of thought.

Cleansing

Holy Crap?!? I am in need of a giant hug right now that will last about 8 hours.. at least, and will allow me to type, edit, and create essays, resumes, and cover letters. (Look at that proper use of the comma within that list leading into yet another list.)

Yes, the most relaxing part of my day may have been discussing how historians have essentially erased sexual violence from Nazi Germany, but hey?!? Tomorrow is a new day...

Maybe in two months from now, I will laugh at my decision to be an au pair after an internship and graduating.  However, at the moment, I'm taken aback by what a young, naive, and rash decision this was. But I guess that is what your 20's are for; discovering your strengths, weaknesses, likes, comforts, slightly stretchable boundaries, no crossing zones, and engaging in thought processes/journeys that would be too risky for a middle age person.

Man, its funny how similar we are even though we aren't talking anymore.  That was one of the hardest friendship break-ups of my life.

After visiting the Roman baths in Trier, and others in previous trips to Italy and Greece, i have come to the conclusion that everyone should have access to big bath tubs because they are conducive to positive mental health.

 And the little Viking for good measure...

Blogging Hiatus

While visiting the Western side of Germany, bordering France and Luxemburg, I took a blogging hiatus for a few reasons...

• I do not have a laptop
• I am currently and have been frequently been chasing or have been chased by my 2 year old second cousin
• When your free time consists of watching Toy Story for the 4rth time in a day, it is difficult to form speech that would not be considered for Woody's character in Toy Story 4

Yes, this week has been full of family time, learning about the military lifestyle (my cousin's husband is in the Air Force), and visiting ancient Roman baths. 

Returning Home A Day Later

Tomorrow I am off to visit my cousin and her family in Trier, which is on the other side of Germany neighboring Luxembourg, France, and the Netherlands.  Perhaps a day trip or two will be in order.  Since my ride on mitfahrgelgenheit fell through, it was up to last minute booking a train ticket in order for this trip to become a reality.

Going out last night turned into a 24 hour adventure.  Exploring the topics of relationships became the main theme. And through going out, bar hopping, brunch making, and trashy tv watching I think we acted out what partners would do with friends.

I watch my facebook feed and I see so many people my age getting married and having children.  Next month, I'll be 23, not in a relationship and with a current status of world wanderer.

I have great friends that I can be a wanderer with, and I would prefer to stay single if I am not in a healthy relationship where I am becoming a better, stronger individual.

Over some time I have decided that these are some things that I want.  I am going to avoid ordering them, because aspects in a relationship have ways of balancing each other, so level of importance falls to the wayside when balance comes into play:

• Someone who respects the passion I have for the work that I do, and is following some sort of passion of their own.
• Forgiveness, and a willingness to talk about the good, bad, and ugly through laughter, tears, and the occasional "Are you kidding me?!" face.  Life is going to have its ups and downs, but if you ignore them they tend to intensify. I work in a field where I confront the difficult, so when someone is not willing to do the same, I am not interested in that kind of unrealistic view of what life is.
• Someone who calls and asks me how I am, even if they know I haven't done anything noteworthy in the last two days.
• Someone who goes out of their way to surprise me with things to show that they are paying attention. ( I read once that a good way to decipher how someone wants to be treated by others, especially in significant relationships, is how they treat the other person.) I do that. 
• An adventurer, either in mind, spirit, or on land. And a listener.
• A sense of hope and honesty that ties everything together and validates the relationship.

However, I may just have to learn to be content to be a working wanderer.

Serbia

My interest in Eastern Europe has only grown since I was a child.  Living in Germany makes it much easier to access in depth news material on Eastern Europe with perspectives of the people who live there.  Routinely, in the U.S. the only news sources that report on Eastern Europe focus on the broad concept that these are countries attempting to integrate more democracy into their governments, or border tensions.  Rarely does one ever hear of the actual human struggles.

This is all leading into...

Serbia's ban on PRIDE, which was intended to be held from September 30th until October 6th.  Due to violence that resulted from anti-PRIDE protesters in 2010, PRIDE was cancelled/banned in 2011 and again this year. The government did not feel obligated to provide protection to those who would gather for the PRIDE events, so they banned them in all of Serbia. Additionally, a Swedish art exhibit entitled Ecce Homo has been surrounded by Riot Police and the Prime Minister of Serbia expressed his disdain for allowing citizens to enter the exhibit, which depicts LGBT-QQ lifestyles in coordination with Jesus Christ.

Although the discrimination against LGBT-QQ individuals in Serbia is disheartening, the LGBT-QQ community has taken great steps to address their rights, and have documented the history of PRIDE.   Supporters in Albania are also lending their voice. Check it out: PRIDE-Belgrade

Reading

When I envisioned this year, I hadn't realized how much reading I would be able to do.  Reading on a regular basis is doing wonders for me.  While in college I was reading all of the time, but they were scheduled readings.  In Berlin, I find myself picking up any book that is in English which has led to some interesting finds.  So far, I have finished 5 books, and it just so happens that the first three were written by Stanford graduates. 

One of the books was written by David Sedaris... which I throw away as soon as I got of the S-Bahn.. about a minute after I finished reading the book.  This is not a usual habit of mine, however I dislike his writing so much that I think no other person should ever be subjected to this material.  I have also gone to a reading done by him and it only confirmed that he has no literary merit as an author. Most of his writing is based on such selfish and embellished material that it is difficult to gain any intellectual stimulation from.  He is an author that people read to feel better about how awful they really are to other people... justifying a degrading sense of humor.

Fail, David Sedaris, fail.

However, I just finished The Informers by Bret Easton Ellis and Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov.  The Informers was a piece about the degradation of L.A. high society in the early 80's when the economic and technology boom just began. Of course it was based on fictitious events regarding sex, drugs, and culture, yet the way the events were described drew the reader into that time frame.  I even felt a sense of depression and void of a purpose for the characters as I was attempting to relate to them.  Overall, a good read if you are looking for that sort of book.

As for Lolita, I am still trying to process how I feel about the subject material and its presentation before I can even think how to critique in any way.

She's my holiday.

These two weeks are fall break for students in Germany, because of this marvelous break in time I had the last two days completely off.

What did I manage to do with myself?  Some routine shopping, coffee, and mingling in the city.  I took the S-Bahn around the entire city for the first time.  There are so many places in Berlin that I never have the need to frequent, or even visit by chance.

Yesterday, I meet up with a group of people from MeetUp (if you don't know what this is and are looking for people to hang out that share the same interests as you, utilize this resource.)

The state of Brandenburg is one of least densely populated states in the whole of Germany, so there is a lot of empty space.  An additional plus to this, is that the towns are very quaint German villages that have very traditional houses and pubs.  If you ever wanted to feel like you were walking through Grimm's fairy tales, this would be the place to go.

Due to this low population, Brandenburg has some great hiking trails.  We decided to go on the Kunsterwandweg Hoher Fläming, which is literally translated to mean the "art hiking way".  Along the 17km trail there are various pieces of art to see and ponder upon on at your own pace.  At the beginning of the walk you make your way through a village entirely dedicated to art, and there are numerous little galleries and cafes designed around this theme.

 Look at that giant stork's nest.

Can you interpret this art?

 We even stopped to pick some apples. :)

Documentaries

One of my biggest quirks, is that when I return home after having a few drinks I always tune into a documentary.  Over the years they have ranged from topics included socialism, communism, philosophic deconstruction of Hegel, photography, fonts, light pollution, human rights abuses in numerous places, meth, crack, cocaine, and cults. Ever since I was a child I have had an obscure fascination with cults and religious sects.  This not because I wanted to join one, but I found the human desire to join such a dogmatic and cut-off community to be very enthralling to my imagination.  How does one choose to cut themselves off from the rest of society, and is there any objectivity left in the human intellect when that decision is made?

Weird right?  Completely worth analyzing.  Obviously, I have always had a curiosity for the off-beat.

I only mention this because I have just finished this Cults Documentary today.  Normally, most of the documentaries that I have seen around the subject use a lot of speech that demonizes all aspects of the cults, and makes membership seem like a decision that any normal person would/could never make.  However, this film gives some neutral perspective (although limited, and contains very strong language and judgements in matters where it cannot be judged for certain whether that is the case or not), which makes cults more understandable and makes them less alien.

For instance, the Peoples Temple Agricultural Project, or Jonestown cult, which originally formed in Indianapolis, Indiana, then moved to San Francisco, California, and then later to Guyana was initiated and maintained on the principle of equality, racial, gender, and economic.  Many, if not most, of the members where devoted to the calling of equality and working for the social good of all man.  In fact, most were unaware of the the future that Jim Jones would bring upon them.

Quite frankly, it seems like an idealistic community gone astray because of one, or a few, misguided desires of man.

In effect, Jim Jones also had a pristine record before the move to Guyana.  Can we say for sure that his motives were always selfish?  If a change in the overall principle for the People's Temple occurred after its creation, when was this?

The members are now victims, but I think it is a perverse notion to think all members of cults are/were enslaved by a psychopathic drive to believe in a doctrine proposing a purpose to life.  Perhaps they were just regular people looking for an alternative to how the mainstream was working and were unfortunate to fall under the leadership of someone who was , or became, too absorbed in a power complex to be able to think rationally.

Leaves.. and wallpaper

One of the less pressing, but more interesting things, on my mind this morning is wondering if it is possible to make wall paper out of real leaves.  Is there a way to seal a layer to prevent decay, or could one layer decay and be replaced as to hold true to the natural process of life?  I've been thinking about this because I seem to collect at least one beautiful leaf that I would like to keep forever every time I go out.

My body is still incredibly sore from the ropes course that I embarked on on Sunday, Waldhochseilgarten, Jungferheide.  Check it out, it is pretty swag.  When I was zip lining and doing the other obstacles I thought to myself that this would be the closest I would ever come to fulfilling my dream of being a woodland pixie. In essence, this brought to fruition a big dream of mine.

There was a point when I first started a red course, and I thought for a moment that I would just give up and start crying in my harness because it was too difficult.  Surely, someone would come and get me.  Fortunately, for my pride, this was a minor lapse in upper body strength and I was able to pull through for the next 45 minutes that I was on that track, and did not need to be removed from the canopy. 

I must admit, one of the biggest motivators to not falling was the pain I felt when the harness caught my weight.  Although I have a few bruises from the course with 10 zip lines in it, I am satisfied with my performance. 

And this is our Spanish speaking friend. 

After awhile, he became a bit too comfortable. 

The time period after graduating from college has such a shifting quality.  Some days, I am complete confident in the choices that I have made for this year, but there are others where I look and myself and think "what were you thinking?"

Yes, I needed this year off in order to put my life into perspective before I made the investment into law school, but was going abroad the best choice?  It makes me feel that I put myself in limbo for a period of time when I could have been establishing a solid footing, and everything was happening so fast that I had to make a fast decision.