London

Happy Valentine's Day from London!  Tis the first that I am spending abroad, and with an authentic German candy bar the size of my head. In other news, on the flight here we had twos people dressed as Scooby Doo and the Honey Monster do laps inside the plane mid-flight. British people have the silliest kind of humor.  I felt like I was on the U-Bahn at midnight in Berlin.

Butterflies in the stomach

This trip has me so excited, I am getting butterflies realizing the reality.  I had an interesting night packing and finishing coursework for an entrepreneur class that I'm taking. The morning quickly rolled around and I had sleep maybe 2 hours, to be on the generous side. Then I shoved everything into my backpack and started the drive from Sacramento to San Francisco. It went by without a hitch. I rolled up to a friend's house took an hour nap in her driveway and then ate some dark chocolate with her to try to bring me back to a non-sleepy state.  

The first part of my journey.... 

And my first leg of the flight. To London for Valentine's Day!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, I am so lucky to be alive. <3

Packing...

"Life is not about weathering the storm, it's about learning how to dance in the rain."

Today I left work a little early to work from home, so that I could pack for South Africa and pick up a package from my apartment office.  I thought I would only be picking up one package that had the power adapter, which I have neglected to pick up for the last week due to the fact that I haven't been home during office hours.  Dragging my bags, I expected to pick up one package but to my surprise I had six packages waiting for me.  My wonderful friends had sent me random gifts of love.  The last five days have been so work heavy that I wanted to cry from exhaustion and I could feel the bags under my eyes.  These reminders of love lifted my spirits so that I could make a space for me to be excited about my upcoming travel. 

And after a trip to Target's sale section, the bank, the post office, and the library I am ready to start my packing endeavor.  

My fun and safe travel pack for South Africa includes:

X  Backpack 

X  Water Bottle

X  Passport

X  Copies of Important Documents

X  Eye Mask/ Ear buds

X  Digital Camera

X  Jeans (2)

Long Socks (2)  whoops, forgot those, will need to buy some

X  Light Jacket

X  Socks (3)

X  Underwear

X  Sports Bras (3)

X  Cloth Shorts (2)

X  Khaki Shorts

X  Tank Tops (3)

X  T-Shirts (2)

X  Long Sleeve Shirt

X  Mosquito Repellent

X  Malaria Pills

X  Sunglasses

X  Wrist-Watch

X  Sneakers

X  Bathing Suit

Flip-flops forgot these too....

X  Inhaler

X  Medications 

X  Shampoo/Conditioner

X  Razor

X  Toothbrush/tooth paste/floss 

X  Mouth Guard

X  Deodorant 

X First Aid Kit 

X Cash

I hope this will be okay, and I am leaving plenty of room in my checked bag.... :)

Final Countdown

I feel like this is a race against time and I am winning. I have no idea how I have been able to function on so little sleep the past few days or even that I can manage to articulate in full sentences with the amount of work that I have been putting into various projects.

I did not fall asleep while driving hoe after a 10 hour work day in the city, and I am still dragging my weary eyes over personal logistics for South Africa and some last minute work details.

Human spirit for the win.

Thank You

Now that I am unable to sleep:

Thank you. Thank you for showing me that my closest friends really do have the best judgement, and that my initial assessment of character was correct.

Thank you for showing me that maturity does not lie in age, but in the manner in which you approach and engage with others that are giving you their time and energy. People's time and energy are the most valuable things that someone can give.  Through those two things, someone gives you portions of their life and their love. Don't underestimate that, it is powerful and significant.

This is a great chance to take that time and utilize it to strengthen and deepen meaningful relationships and experiences. Thank you for giving me that future time to invest in current and new relationships.   Although initially selfish, your actions are for my benefit. A large painful consequence is better for realization than small occurrences that add up over any given period of time. Without being willing to give, you were willing to take.  A sign indicative of a young, young mind on a journey. A journey that I have long surpassed.

One of the main things that has changed from that time is my ability to recognize the power that identifying the positives can have. I am happy and glad, and feel free. Free knowing that I was honest and genuine.

Exhaustion

4 cups of coffee into the day and I am still exhausted.

The past few days have been a whirlwind of getting ready for South Africa, completing coursework for this online class I have been doing, getting work projects into order, and visiting with friends I haven't seen in a long time. I Have been California City hopping since Friday, and I will not be finished with this city hopping pattern until I am on the plane for Johannesburg.

But! I had a semi-college night last night when I visited the Earth Sciences building at Stanford with a friend, and completed my taxes! One big thing off of my to-do list.

And I did a massive prep trip to the sales section of Target and got the majority of extras that I will need for the trip.

This is what your 20's are for.. living fast and working hard. I'm going to make this life full of memories of all kinds.

No more coffee for today though...

Willow Trees and Sun Dresses > Work Organization

Today I realized I often stutter when I am thinking faster than I am able to speak.  This then causes me to swallow and forget words. It is as if I am speaking 2 sentences behind what I am able to articulate and then I have to go back to try to remember the words I was using to illustrate a previous point.

Point number two that presented itself to me today, was that I get annoyed when a person does not fit into the persona that they presented to me and I accepted and trusted them to be. This usually happens to people that I work on projects with, or just work with in general.  Largely, this is an issue because it is then difficult for me to perceive them in the role that they were assigned and/or generated for themselves. I become skeptical.

It is hard for me to resist the urge to micro-manage someone that has repeatedly asked for confirmation of the same material when numerous detailed answers have been given.  Other than the fact that makes me feel like a mother, which I am not, it makes me feel like I am being placed with an undue burden of work.  Being detail oriented is not a natural talent of mine.  Over time I have cultivated this skill because I have seen how fundamental it is to organization.  Naturally, I am a free spirit prone to act in a spontaneous manner that can be interpreted as irresponsible.  I saw the burden this placed on my travel partners, friends, and mentors, so I challenged myself to take on this role.  While working, I can handle this role, but I become agitated when it spills into my personal life.  People just assume I enjoy doing this. In reality, I would RUN from this tendency if I was able to run around willow tree meadows in a sun dress all day.

Unfortunately, I don't get to run around in a sun dress in a willow tree meadow all day, and organization is a skill set I bring to projects. But I have limits, very real tangible limits, and when they are stretched I will begin to shut down emotionally.  A condition which, I and the people around me, find ZERO enjoyment in.

Additionally, when I feel pushed into this position, I become upset that I have to change my vantage point of the other person.  I do not entirely understand this yet, but it feels like broken trust. I value your personal time enough to make work a streamlined process, please do the same so I can take advantage of my personal time. Also, my mind works in a way an assembly line does, when I have to keep going to back to something, I get mentally fogged and start to feel as if the process itself is flawed.

Recently, I have been able to separate this work style from my personal life, and I want a way to diffuse it.  I have to call my dad to talk this out, because he has the exact same tendency.  He has the same life/work split. Work hard, play in whimsical nature.