Sexual Violence

Over the years, I never really knew how to describe the personal experience of sexual violence.  Yeah, the political debate rages, and new policies have been put in place over the years.  But where does the gradient of sexual violence begin?  Why do large displays of sexual violence grab our attention, when we aren't discussing the ways that society and the ways that we interact with each other perpetuate instances of sexual violence?

How do you outline the conversation that you would have about sexual violence?

• Perhaps you could first acknowledge that humans are sexual beings: asexual, bi-sexual, gay, lesbian, straight, etc..
• Then that there are various forms of gender identities, which are not predictable based on sexual preference
• What are societal conceptions of sex? Of violence?
• What are your personal boundaries for conceptions of sex and violence?  When you consider them together?
• Do words and gestures have the ability to convey a sense of intrusion into yours/ someone else's sexual lifestyle?

Hmm, I believe that only certain acts of sexual violence should have legal ramifications, I think its important to define what your personal boundaries are so that you can communicate them to others, while being aware that this may be different for other people.

Personally, what is most harmful about sexual violence is the ability it has to depersonalize my moment-to-moment life and leave me powerless to confront the other person.  It makes me feel like an object, devoid of an outlook with which to protest what is happening.

DST

Happy Monday!

As I try to get what I can from the last remains of my computer, I am also trying to squeeze what I can from my last week in Berlin.  This weekend a few friends and I organized a Halloween party.  Some things just fall together so well.  I have always been more of a last minute kind of person, and I find it to be so amazing to how wonderful something can be if you dedicate a few solid hours into it rather than a few here and there spread out over a few days.  Needless to say, I perform well under pressure and it is an amazing motivator.

This morning was the first frost of the season and I was lucky enough to be awake during the end of daylight savings.  Being that the date is different in Germany than in the U.S., it seems that I have mixed up some times for meetings.  The entire EU shifts at the same time, but the North American continent does not, which is something that I never knew.

Phoenixing

It is time to coin a new emotional term, I would like to call it "phoenixing".  This term is different, albeit similar to the concept of resilience.

Resilience infers that one is able to survive through challenging times, and eventually become successful or to not let those situations serve as a permanent impediment. However, phoenixing is different.  It happens after a period of time when you feel stripped of what you had held most valuable, and of aspects of your life that you didn't realize had such a large impact on your stability. It comes when you feel broken.  You know you are burning and standing amidst the ashes of yourself and your life. Suddenly, you are overcome with this powerful sense of individualistic angst.  The pain turns into power and you start to become something similar, but different to what you once were.

An emotionally intense experience, but the most life-changing, that I have had the pleasure of experiencing a few times in my short life.

Things I want to tell people, that I wish people had told me:

• You don’t have to achieve great things by the time you’re 25
• You have intrinsic value above and beyond your perceived utility to other people and society at large. 
• You don’t have to have sex, or have sex in any way that you find uncomfortable or unpleasant, to keep anyone’s love or good opinion of you. They didn’t love you or think very well of you to start with if they demand it. 
• You don’t have to stay with someone who isn’t meeting your emotional or sexual needs because they need you, or you’ve been with them for awhile, or you need to be in a relationship. You need you. Your time is your own and it is finite. 
• It’s ok to work at a job you enjoy that doesn’t make you miserable even if it’s not a career and it won’t “lead to anything.” 
• Your life is not a narrative. It is not leading to anything, there is no overarching thesis, it does not have themes beyond the usual shared cultural experiences of your time and place. This is ok. It does not mean that your life is without purpose or meaning. 
• It’s ok not to like or get along with the vast majority of people you encounter, so long as you afford them the same respect, courtesy and dignity that they afford you. 
• Expensive is not always better. 
• Failure is temporary if you’re still alive. 
• People are both much better and much worse than you’d suspect, but usually not all at once. 
• Stop thinking of your future self as a different person and it will be easier to prevent money and health problems. 
• Let people help you, lean on them when you need to, and be available to help, but don’t swing too far in either direction. Try to carry your half of the life basket as evenly as you can. 
• Set boundaries, and do not be afraid to kick people out of your life who disregard them. You will not end up alone and unloved. People who love you will be ok with your boundaries. 
• Your power does not come from money or beauty, but from seeing life steadily and wholly, from a curious and thoughtful mind, and from your ability to say no when you want to, and yes when you want to, and I don’t know when you don’t know. 
• There will be bad times, maybe lots of bad times, but not only bad times. 
• Love will not heal the wounds in your soul, but love can give you the impetus to begin the work of healing yourself. 
• Life might be a long series of starting over, and that’s alright. 
• You’re really cool, you’re really beautiful, you’re really special. Really. Not to everyone, but to a lot of someones sometimes. 

Articulation

Refocus.  Wouldn't it be amazing to feel the effects of refocusing our everyday speech. As I am watching the Presidential Debate on foreign policy, it is clearly obvious that the verbiage is very focused on words along the lines of death, kill, war, and protect.  Where is peace, community, strength, and cooperation?

Just like in individual psychology, the words used in common communication regarding an issue have the ability to slightly alter the lens in which the situation is viewed, and can have an impact on those involved in the discussion and those listening.  The words we use emphasize what we find is important and noteworthy.  While it is important to be realistic and transparent about negative aspects of life in order to address them and come to terms with them, it is also important to convey a sense a hope and healing when discussing the future.

Cultivating anger, revenge, and malice will only beget this kind of interactions.

I'm not looking for an extreme policy shift, I am realistic here, but I think the U.S. could truly benefit from a language usage shift.

Wanderings

My wanderings took me to the Deutsches Historisches Museum today.  As I began traveling as an adult, I have begun to truly appreciate what museums have to offer.  When I was younger, I never knew quite what to focus my attention on and became bored rather that actively engaging my mind and attention span.  Albeit, after 3 hours my brain was tired and it was time to grab something to eat.  This museum is a place where you could spend multiple hours for a week browsing the contents.

While browsing, I was especially happy because they broadened the exhibit on the DDR until November.  Modern history and the rapid growth of society and how people attempted to adapt to those changes really interests me.

Yet, I can't seem to shake the notion of how biased our history can be.  Going to a museum is interesting and informative, but it should also be supplemented with other reading from other sources.  This is just a skill that should be utilized for productive critical thinking skills in general.

What stuck out to me the most was that the Germans refer to the Treaty of Versailles as the Treaty of Shame. German history, along with much of history, is predominately explained by their engagement in war, and the mobilization of people for the purpose of conflict.  The Treaty of Versailles, a document that limited German military force, was one of the driving forces that allowed political extremes, to the right and left, to take hold of popular opinion in the early 1900's. The Germans look at this treaty as the start of a slippery slope exaggerated by shame that eventually lead to to Hitler's rise to power.

Shame is often used to incite reform, yet over time it has proven to be a factor that only encourages more strife and violence.

What a play on words to convey such a concept.  Well done, well done.

SO..

Here it goes, the big announcement of the day:

Due to some unforeseen circumstances, and my extreme allergic reaction to the cats of the family I am living with,  I will be headed back to the states on November 6th.  Yes, election day and three days before my birthday.

Life is about adventure.  I have had a great time and will continue to have a great time for the remaining two weeks.  However, after some thinking, it will be in my best interest in preparing for law school and focusing on my health to come back to the states.

Alas, I am coming home, but will continue to keep my blog up, because I have found writing to be cathartic and useful for developing my personal thoughts.

Love,
Crys