Your Little Red Hammer

If I were to write a letter to you.. this is what I would say:

Dear Little Brother,

Your heroin addiction isn't fair. It took you before I knew you.

I know you are lying, and trying to use my kindness.  After everything, I don't have the energy to fight with you and call you out.  You can think you are fooling me, and that is perfectly okay with me.

I'm angry with you, and disappointed that you let our family's past consume you.  Please stop making excuses.  You can't erase your criminal record now.  You will be in prison for life. Own that. Know you could have made a difference and there were people willing to help, but no one more able than yourself. And honestly, sometimes I wish you died when you ODed, because then I wouldn't have to see you where you are.  Trying to use everyone and everything for your addiction.  It's like my heart breaks over and over and over again, instead of just once.

No one will ever look like me, like you do.  You are my closest blood. A photo on my desk, a memory of red hammers and blond hair. But I don't know you. I love you, but you're empty and your memory is warped.

I love you, but I can't ever forgive you....