Wow, I feel like I got hit by a bus. Tried to get up for cycling this morning and my body would not move.

Last night I had a great convo. I have a tendancy to run...

Don't run.

Don't run.

You need to face this and then let it pass.

Blogs are great, because I do not have to be profound. My recent posts have been somewhat shallow, but hey, in order to not text my ex, I text or call my friends.

They are getting so much love these days.

AND.

AND.

So is my blogging sphere.

Because When it's over.. it'll be over

Boo! My computer will not upload the State of the Union. And I missed the Foster Care Walk because I was stuck on the bus.

I think I need to get back to the daily grind, but I am enjoying the ride of putting it off.

I can't wait till I stop cycling from intense anger towards my ex to sadness and nostalgia. It is no fun. I just know that when that stops, the feelings will be gone forever, and I won't want to associate with her ever again. I have never felt this hurt in love. When this is over, it is really over. Our last goodbye will be in a college dorm. Our last real interaction ever. I can feel I'm on the verge. I know myself well enough that I won't engage when this is over. And that makes me sad.

It won't be like Clare... because our relationship wasn't as deep as mine and Em's.

But was it deep? I can't tell if I imagined it all anymore. It feels so distant, yet painful.

MLK Jr. March

I forgot how powerful it was to participate in direct actions in the city.

The most powerful moments of the action yesterday in Oakland were:

• The ability to shut down traffic and talk to people about a cause
• Viewing and being supporting of a young women's grief about the loss of Oscar Grant and her brother. They brought candles and incense to mourn. Yes, they were burning dollar bills with sage for cleansing purposes. 
• A young black boy lead the march with his words and chants. 
• The band singing in solidarity with the crowd. "Which side are you on, friends? Which side are you on?"

There is no doubt that the situation is not about the bad apples, it is about the tree. Racism has been institutionalized and normalized. We need to fight that.. we are fighting that. 

Oakland

Whenever I come back to California, it is like something in my body sings "You are Home, let go, let live."

The people that I have here infuse so much energy into me with their stories. They listen, but they talk. They adventure with me.

Law school draws that energy from me, and I haven't entirely found out how to replace it, but this is where it starts. These people who can inspire me with radical legal thought and social justice. To see people on the street and talk to them about random life experiences and be on a level playing field.

To go to social justice actions on the corner to mourn the loss of QTPOC spaces... even if that means you need to leave your phone in the fridge for fear of government spying.

It is like letting your wings out to air when they have been so closely wound to your body for a prolonged period of time. I love the grit of everyday urban life. Strangers care about you. Starngers want to be your storyteller. I want to be their muse––their recorder.

San Jose

IJUSTBOUGHTMYTICKETTOCOSTARICA and I just wanna run and dance all over the place.

BECAUSE.

SLOTHS

AND COSTA RICA

AND BEACHES

AND MORE SLOTHS!

Do you ever have a feeling that someone you knew so well is suddenly a stranger?

Now that school has started, and I have only easten veggies for a week, I am feeling so much better. My friends and "foster" family really can rally.

And the reason why I was cold, is because I could feel you cheating before you did...