Thrill of Discovery

Encountering something new is sort of like stumbling upon inspiration. For a moment it takes you off guard. You marvel at its "newness" or how your mind is processing it in a unique way.  Then you start to compare it to everything that you have prior knowledge of.  As if to figure out all of its secrets from the secrets of objects that you've already unmasked.

I need to go out more and find these things... I miss this.

Work has me in a daily routine, which I enjoy, but I miss the thrill of discovery.

Framing A Secret

PostSecret is such an intimate look into the secrets that people feel are weighing them down.  Sometimes I wonder if the secrets that are actually weighing people down are the ones that they don't even realize are secrets.  What we think isn't obvious, is, and what we think IS obvious, isn't. Having conversations could open those lines of communication with everyone around us.

Working in advocacy, I see people understand personal pain.  They are educated enough to understand, for examply, that it must be extremely painful to grow up without parents or surrounded by drug abuse, violence, and uncertainty.  Yet, they take having a clothing allowance and changing schools frequently for granted.  When I am coaching youth to share their stories they want to share their feelings of emptiness.  That's powerful.  What puts public testimony on another level is when youth mention specific and common life occurences that are different or absent based on their situation, but are so "common" that they haven't been brought up for discussion.

Why is that meaningful?  Well, in order to shift a culture smaller items need to change.  You can't change an emotion, but you can change what causes or adds to that feeling or abandonment and isolation.

I went about writing this post with a different frame of reference, and it is applicable to many situations, I guess I'm just not willing to share my own...

Battle Scars.

Welcome to this song:

Battle Scars

Any time that my dad calls me at 5:30am, that means someone died.

And as time goes on, we find out more and more about ourselves.  The depths that we never knew we had, the time we forget, and the additions of experiences that become more important than our memories.

Tranisitioning into adulthood is like.

A broken sentence.  You finish and complete a fragment and then must move on to the next order of business.

Home Sweet Home

Grief can be a sadness that brings all of your memories with that person and related to that person to mind. Riding that emotional roller coaster hasn't been the best experience, but has allowed me to see the reltionship and closeness that I still feel to my home in New Jersey.  It's a little too strong for my liking. When I left the first time, I always thought that I would never be back and the people that I knew that were outside of my family expected me not to.  So why did I?

I guess it was just a toxic attachment to my past.  There are some great people back in New Jersey.  Yet, when I go back I never stay in their positivity.  I always get pulled back to the strife.  How does one really break ties with where they are from?  To not lose the appreciation, but the pain.

For the last two days I have had a handful of gummy bears and coffee for breakfast.  I need to go grocery shopping before this becomes a habit.

I have also decided that watching episodes of Law and Order: SVU is now forbidden.  It triggers too much, but I want to be like the women on that show. Forever alone with a formidable career.

Ke$ha is now my only official family. #yeahthathappened