An INFJ Explosion

I am having an INFJ explosion right now. It started last night and then I felt the deprivation of art. I think an INFJ explosion may be better explained as an implosion, but I am so disoriented that it is difficult to tell the difference.

Over the last year, I felt more that I was criticising myself, when this just happens to be my personality type. We have types and that is okay.

I need abstraction, and novels, and thai food, and a bandaid for my heart.

I could fell it for awhile, but I had been so distracted by school and the mission that I am pursuing that I didn't realize that the person that I loved was being entangled by someone else's affections. I knew in October/November. It changed, and that is why I couldn't be open. I was defensive.

How odd, how you can love a person and even though they love you, it is muted or altered because of the strong feeling (or I would even venture to say love) that someone else has for that person. And, its like, how didn't you know. How didn't you know that they loved you and they thought about you two being together for so long. There must have been more signs, and I wasn't even there and I could feel them. I could feel our dynamic change.

I thought that I had fallen out of love, but I could really just feel that the love was faded in some way and it wasn't genuine and untouched. And now its like a movie reel in my head. All th moments that I felt it. The same feeling that I felt last night when I read those texts, I had felt that before and now they are stringing themselves together like a movie- a really horrible movie.

I just read them over and over and over again last night, and felt it permeate into my heart. Truly loving someone is dangerous and you don't even know how deeply you feel that until you know what made that love change.