Professional Lessons Learned

Last June, I decided that I needed to take a break from school.  My health had been up and down for quite some time and I just needed a year to let things settle.

As it is almost a year later from having made that initial decision that turned into a real decision in about 3 days, this is where I stand.

I've lived in Oklahoma, Germany, went to NJ after Hurricane Sandy for 4 days, drove across the country, crashed on a floor in San Francisco, moved into my own flat in Sacramento, went to South Africa, and am currently moving out to live with a friend for the summer and then to Seattle in September.

Whoah. Well, my experiences have taught me a lot, but this was not a year of settling.

This has been a year where I have explored relationships, learned about bounadries, and became tougher.  I am a lesbian, for all that it is worth, that is what I am. I've had to hide this for work purposes and fight the legitimacy of my sexuality in friendships with males. I've had to make clear distinctions about how I am willing to be treated and willing to treat other people.  I've had to learn how to sit in meetings with people that held more power than me that were sexist and lied to me.

From today, my biggest take-away is that you should never let anyone emotionally manipulate you, especially at work.  If the point you are making is valid and logical reasoning is behind it, never let anyone say "but don't you feel guilty" or "are you just having a hard time because things are happening in your life outside of work".

If you are a woman, people may try to "gaslight" you to make you seem unreasonable to try to shy away from an important point.  Don't back down.  This year, I learned not to cry. I haven't became less sensitive, I have become more aware that people try to blame a women's ethical and professional stance as stemming from an emotional place. This is simply untrue. I don't let people make that assumption and then tie those things together for me.

Be firm. Realize that when people try to do this that tey are attempting to remove the legitimacy from your arguement. Ask them to stop asking about your feelings, because you know they wouldn't do that to your male counterpart.

This was never about my feelings, it was about my profession.